Things NOT to say to someone with depression

1st off, if you don't know, depression is not a few moments of feeling sad, it is a long period of constant sadness, with the added benifits if having trouble functioning. Internally it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, which is the simplest description. But because people think of depression as just being sad & that you can think your way out of it , there's always lots of advice from people who do not have PHD's. 

Advice: You just need to think positively!

Reality: The thinking patterns of most people with depression have this lovely think called rumination, where you think of the same horrible thought over & over & over again. There have been studies done that are showing that the ability to look at a situation in multiple ways is part of how humans evolved. For the most part normal people can look at a situation a couple of times & move on. Where as people with depression seem to lack the ability to stop looking at the same thought or memory. 

Advice: You just need to stop being so sensitive.

Reality: Where regular people can brush off something said off hand, people with depression can't. It goes back to the rumination. On top if that we are extremely self critical, another thing that can't be easily shut off. 

Advice: It'll get better.

Reality: I'm not sure about all depressed people in this one, but in my situation & within a group I was a part of I did see this, that looking to the future is almost impossible. People with depression over analyse the past, & some barely notice the present, so the concept of a future is too much for us to plan for, let alone look forward too. 

Those are the ones I can think of right now, trust me with my years of depression & family members who aren't very tactful, I've got more.

Depression

I don't know what to do with anything. I was working temp as a cashier this past week & found myself falling down that rabbit hole of despair, the 'here we go again' one. I just feel utterly pointless. I have friends & family who I care about, but they don't pay my bills (mom helps with keeping me fed though) & I can't seem to do much of anything outside of them. I really don't feel like myself, not that I really know what myself is, at all. I feel completely like I've lived for other people, that I'm alive for other people. I can't seem to do anything without someone's approval or involvement. So I'm not happy, & being clinically depressed means that I think about how I'm not me, how I disappoint people, how I have no future, & I'm a burden to everyone goes running through my head constantly. My meds have helped leave it in the background keeping me from spiralling so far out of depth that I don't try to kill myself & that I can function day to day, but they don't help me out of my mess. I maintain. If I go off my meds I'll kill myself, there's no maybe, I know I will. But going off my meds just means that I remain as I am & that I will have a panic attack every few months when I notice my life hasn't changed. I've asked my family doctor for a recommendation for a therapist, but I only have OHIP so the wait list for someone covered is insainly long. I've done group stuff, which is usually like 'be your own therapist' stuff & I'm terrible at that. Also one of the groups I went to I was the youngest one there at 30 & compared to everyone else there I had no real issues. 

At Times Like These

At times like these, I feel myself skipping

At times like these, I feel my hope dying 

At times like these, I see my future fading

At times like these, I feel my isolation growing

My Political Views (Warning! left leaning view points! If it's not your thing, don't read it!)

Here we go into the controversy! I pay a lot of attention to politics & I've avoided doing blog posts on politics for I think obvious reason's, the fights. But I since I'm doing these get to know me blogs I thought I should at least outline these views as well since they do influence my reaction to certain news stories & other topics that I might like to  write about. I am a left winger, I believe that the government can be a good thing, it can & should take care of it's citizens. I love free health care, I would gladly pay higher taxes to cover everyone. Private health care does not work, if you need an example just look at America, it's infant mortality rate is at the same level as some underdeveloped countries. Preventative medicine helps keep health care costs down & ups our mortality rates. I believe that programs to help people out of work, or who are underemployed are needed & used by people who actually need them. There needs to be more programs for single mothers, children who live below the poverty line, & children who live in area's that can be high risk. Here in Toronto we desperately need an overhaul of our public transpiration system & we need more of it. Public transpiration cuts down on pollution & traffic. The government needs to invest more money into green technology to not only help out the environment but also to encourage innovation. We need to increase funding to Public Schools and stop giving out tax intensives for private schools & also stop funding Catholic School unless they operate as Public Schools do, without religion. Religious freedom is a must in this country & I am sick of people thinking every Muslim woman is oppressed! Freedom of speech is also important, but it does not mean that you can go spouting out hate without being called on it. Yes you have the freedom to say what you want, but I also have the freedom to tell you you're wrong, or just a douche. I'm pro choice, I believe in the simple truth that it's my body so FUCK OFF! Just as much as I can say no to having sex, I can say no to having a kid. I vote NDP usually here in Canada. I don't even want to touch on the Toronto Mayoral Race because that is just a cluster fuck, as well as the fact that it's going on for a YEAR! Our provincial election last like less than a month! That's the basics of my political views, there's more specific things, like who I hate in politics, scandals that make me want to hit myself with something hard just to forget it happened & the whole bullshit of what the States are now(that's like 3 desperate posts I think)

My likes

I think I'm well rounded in things I like, but I'm not entirely sure. I like to read, I read a lot of fantasy, some sci-fi, comics, erotica & random facts stuff. I used to read a lot of mystery but it doesn't really interest me anymore, since I can get mysteries in fantasy & sci-fi books. I write, not as much as I should, but I love to. Apparently I've been telling stories since I was little, I would line up my teddy bears & tell them stories according to my mom. I have a lot of stuff in my head that I need to get out onto paper, that's one of the reason's I'm trying to get in the habit of blogging again, just so I do actually write something. I like TV, but only certain shows, there's a lot of things I don't like on TV. I currently watch Supernatural, Castle, NCIS, NCIS: LA, Murdoch Mysteries, Elementary, Sherlock, Father Brown, Doc Martin, Nickelodeon's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, My Little Pony's Friendship is Magic, The Daily Show when I catch it & the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, which I am so upset that he's leaving n December. I love going to the theatre to watch movies. I love all the Marvel movies, the ones done by Marvel Studio's. My issues with the X-Men movies I'll get into in another post. I knit, I bake, I can cook, I just prefer to bake, I can sew by hand, I would like to learn to sew with a sewing machine. I love YouTube & subscribe to a lot of channels, SourceFed & SourceFed NERD, Philip Defranco, vlogbrothers, Crash Course, Mental Floss, SciShow & SciShow Space, For Human People's, Animalist, DNews, & a shit ton of Disney channels. I love love love Disney. I know they're not perfect, trust me I know, but I still admire them in their entertainment, guest services & their corporate social responsibility. (I might do a whole post on this too) I drink Tea not coffee, coffee's gross, I love chocolate, I have a sweet tooth. I prefer Marvel over DC, especially in their social progressiveness, coloured superhero's, gay, bi & other sexuality superhero's, superhero's from all different faiths, Marvel really represents the world when it comes to their universe. If you've noticed there's like nothing so far in music, I'm not a huge music fan, at least not in the way some people are, I like what has a decent beat & something I could sing along to, also if it was on Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, or in a Disney movie I'll probably sing it.

My Background

I was born in raised in Toronto. Technically I was born in Scarborough, lived in East & North York, until Toronto amalgamated & now it's all Toronto. Both my parents are from the East Coast, my mom's from Corner brook Newfoundland & my dad is from North Sydney, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. they met here in Toronto in the 70's. My parents split up when I was 8, my dad was an alcoholic (which talking about that may be another post). I have a younger brother, who's now married with 2 beautiful girls. My mom raised me & my brother by herself & did a very good job of it, we visited family almost every summer in the East Coast & my brother went to Boy Scouts for years. My family literally stretches across Canada now. I have family in Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, Ontario, Alberta & BC. We're all proud to be Canadian & love our country fiercely, even with it's faults. My mom's side of the family has lived in Newfoundland pretty much since the Brits started coming over to Canada. From what I know of my fathers side on my Granddad's side we stretch back that far too & were actually from Newfoundland as well. On my Nanny's side we're not sure. There is a possibility of 1st Nation blood, but we don't know & we're unsure of how to find out. So that's the basics of where I start.

Upcoming

I'm going to be doing a bunch of posts basically introducing me, like my family background, my likes, my political views, my education, my favourite things, more depth stuff on jobs I've had, people I know, that sort of thing. I've already got a few in the pipeline & the rest will be coming so it should be fun.

Archery injury

This is my injury from archery on Monday night. That's right I did archery on Monday!!! It was so much fun! 

My brother took his wife for archery lessons for her birthday, that had so much fun that they went out & bought a bow, arrows, quiver, arm & finger guards. There's a public archery range behind the Ontario Science Centre. Meet some nice archers there, some who are really good & some that are just as bad as us. Seriously everyone there was super nice, one guy let use use his bug spray cause we were getting eaten alive! 

Can't wait to go again, bought one of those Off Clip on things, see how that goes. Plus me & my sister-in-law were talking about what targets we want to take with is. I just don't know if I despise anyone enough to shoot them. Maybe I'll just shoot at politicians?

Man I currently hate people

Ok, hate is a strong word, but God does everyone annoy me right now. I know why I'm currently like this & unfortunately biology & missed drugs have accumulated at the same time. BTW those are legal prescription drugs. So now everything that goes wrong sends me into a downward spiral of rumination of things that aren't' going right & I don't want to be around anyone at all. All I want to do right now is watch YouTube video's & finish knitting my nieces blanket, that's it, so simple right? Except I'm supposed to be looking for a job, I've had to help out with my brother's dogs, & I have to do things to keep me alive, like eat & go to the bathroom. Wait does going to the bathroom actually keep me alive? I know an infected bladder would be bad, so lets go with yes. I know these are first world problems, but I'm still annoyed.

Independence Day/Lolo's Birthday

Before anyone even asks, no that's not my niece's name, it was something she called herself when she was like a year and a half.

Today we are off to Center Island and Centerville (weird side-note, my mom's talking to a friend of hers on the phone about a cat possibly killing a bird in her friends neighborhood and mom keeps going on about 9 & 10 kitten litters, & people drowning cats.) There is a free kids fest at Centreville today with face-painting & farm animals, my niece will love it, she loves animals. She went through a monkey phase & now she's in the middle of a pony phase, which is enhanced because of My Little Pony's, which she loves. I have to say I'm not sure if she's actually watched an episode of the show though. I have this playlist on YouTube I made for her of different songs that she liked, songs that I thought she would like, so it's mostly filled with Disney, Muppet's & Sesame Street, but I added some My Little Pony in there & she loves it too, drives my brother nuts! Worst now is she loves dance songs, the more electronic the better apparently.

My dad & his girlfriend are in the city & they're coming with us to Centerville, mom was going to come, but now she doesn't want to, one because my dad's going to be there & two she doesn't think she can stand Centerville for all day, so I will be taking so many photo's & probably some video for her. I am already covered in sunscreen & it's a little chilly so I'll be wearing a jacket. Also I'm bringing an extra t-shirt because my youngest niece, who's 4-months, pukes a lot & I don't' think I wanna smell like baby puke all day.
I'm gonna grab something to eat, we'll be leaving soon & driving everyone on TTC nuts with two strollers today. In advance, I'm sorry.

Birthday Prep Day

On Saturday it will be my 3 year old nieces' birthday party. We are doing a themed birthday party, her favorite Disney Princess is Merida, which we are all so proud of, so it's Brave birthday. My sister-in-law has found a recipe for the cookies that are seen in the movie & they're pretty good, so we'll be baking those, I'm baking a medieval castle birthday cake, the actual castle in the movie is more of a keep than castle so we're just sticking with roundness of it. There are giant cardboard cut outs of the triplets that will be scaling the back fence trying to get a food, there's also going to a Merida and Angus cardboard cut out that you can stick your head through to take photo's. Today we've also got cupcakes to bake & decorate. The gift bags are already done, whisps will be leading people to their fate (the party) & my niece will be wearing her new Merida dress & wig for the party, it's going to be awesome! Cant' wait, will defiantly post photos & probably link them with my Pinterest account.

Canada's Day

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I got laundry done, I knitted some more & I read a lot about Canada & certain 'facts' & resisted the urge to spend the rest of the day trying to correct people. It's the internet you just wait a few minutes and someone will do it anyways. I also watched some fireworks that people were setting off in a park near my place, at one point it sounded like someone set off about 10 all at the same time. There was also a marathon of Border Security, my new favorite show. It's all about the Canadian Boarder agents. It's always interesting to see what people try to bring in & what they aren't aware of. Just a tip to any American's reading this, we are another country so if you have a criminal conviction, are caring drugs, which include weed, you can't come in & sometimes you can get arrested. Oh yeah and guns, we don't like them as much as you guys seem to, so please leave them at home. And to people sailing to Alaska, yes you have to sail through Canadian waters so the same rules apply to you too.

Playing Games Maybe

Lately when I hang out with friends we play Cards Against Humanity & order in food, yup we're super social. Currently that's what today's plan is, but I'm not sure how many people are actually going to be showing up so it might end up with me & my best friend gushing on celebrity crushes while her boyfriend plays MMRPG's online.

Blah Blah Blah Blah

I am totally having one of those days where I don't want to do shit. I have actual stuff I need to do, like find a job, however I got up super late today & I've done some stuff today, but the heavy in dept job searching & posting resume's I just don't feel up to today. Last night I was so hot that I couldn't slept until like 4 or 5 in the morning when my body just finally gave up. I'm gonna have to bring the fan into my room tonight & try to go to bed early too, hopefully that will work out, hopefully. I'm not that far off on finishing my niece's blanket so I think I'll at least get that accomplished. I should meditate first though.

A Somewhat Boring Day

Nothing much is going on today. Went grocery shopping, which is awesome since there was almost no food in the house. When you can see the back of the fridge in my house it means that it's time to get food. Currently watching Dragon's Den, an old one, but still fun. Some guy was trying to sell distilled water with silver in it & it pissed off all the Dragon's for sure, especially when cancer was brought up, that it would cure cancer, I've never seen all the Dragons, including Kevin, get so upset with someone before. My plans for the night include catching up on YouTube channels, knitting & then later I'm going to update my resume so that tomorrow I can burn through a bunch of companies career sections on their websites.

It's hot

So it's fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!! It's hotter in my apartment than it is outside!

Seriously that's all I've got to blog about today, at least at the moment. I'm going to try to blog everyday, so get prepared for things that could be on twitter.

Chutes & Lattes

Sunday January 15,2014 

I went for the 1st time to Chutes & Lattes. It's a nice little cafe that you can play board games at. You pay $5 per adult or $2.50 per kid for your spot to sit and play games as long as you want essentially, you pay the $5 on your bill, not like a cover or something. They have milkshakes, sandwiches, quiches & desserts, as well as all kinds of cafe drinks, coffees & lattes. My whole table had to try out the milkshakes when we discovered they had them. I had a chocolate milkshake with the added flavor of strawberry cheesecake, very good, my only gripe with it was, I could have had more. I also had their California club sandwich, which had turkey, avocado, bacon and chipotle aioli, with a side of ceaser salad. There were no fries with the sandwiches, however the ceaser salad was really good so I didn't miss the fries at all. 

We were there for hours, when we arrived around 6 there was an hour wait, on a Sunday night. The place was packed till about 11:30 only because they close at midnight. Apparently they're going to be opening up a Chutes & Lagers where alcohol will be served, can't wait for that! There were 5 of us in my group & because I'm not a big board gamer we played games that could be easily taught, that could be played with that number. We got through about 3 different games . My favorite, which seems to be pretty universal was Cards Against Humanity, the card game for terrible people. Being a card game it allowed us to eat while still playing. Great game for sure. I'd like to play that while drinking, but knowing my friends that would just make it WAY worst than it already is! 
Chutes & Lattes is a great place to, good food, warm atmosphere, great service & the gaming aspect makes it fun for everyone, geeks, gamers, families, everyone. Can't wait to go again.

Chutes and Lattes Facebook pages