My Hawkeye Action Figures

I love Avengers, really really LOVE Avengers. And I love Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye. Because Hawkeye is not a real big Hero even in the Marvel-verse, so it's not a surprise that finding a Hawkeye action figure was a challenge. The first one I got was a bobble head Hawkeye that my best friend Sam got me. Then I found an action figure at FanExpo Canada last year & recently I found a regular little action figure at WalMart a little while ago. So I now have Angry Hawkeye, Little Angry Hawkeye and Fat Hawkeye.

My Writing Area

This is the stuff around my desk

 This is where Kermit hangs out when he's not seeing the world

My Name Around Town

Here in Toronto there is a street called Orufus Road. On Orufus Rd are a lot of outlets, it's a great place to shop for deals. I went there with my cousin's fiancée  we were looking specifically looking for possible wedding shops for my cousin's wedding. When in the area we found a couple of places that were named after me, & here they are:

How I spent my Valentines

 I am currently single. I do want to be in a relationship, but I'm picky & not taking just anybody. I'm not going to spend this post whining about that cause that didn't bother me this year. Valentine's day sometimes bothers me, I mean when you're only getting a valentine present from your Mom it makes you feel pretty pathetic. This year I've been having fun on FB sharing geeky inspired valentine cards, like this Deadpool one, I love Deadpool. Today I had school, I'm in college right now, but we were done early & I dont' really have much to do for tomorrow, so I decided to go see a movie, cause I love seeing movies in the theatres. 
Today I took myself out on a date to see Hansel & Gretel 3D. This is the second time I've seen it, which means I get to find new stuff in it! It's silly & kinda dumb, but I love it. Why do I love it? Jeremy Renner's topless, & a bit of a dork in this one. I love Jeremy Renner &  I promise to dedicate an entire post to that obsession. Hansel & Gretel is a lot of fun, there's an old timey fan-boy, who even has a sketch he did of Gretel on the wall. & Femke Janssen is a great dark witch. It makes me wish that X-Men could have gotten the whole Phoenix saga right, she would have made an excellent Dark Phoenix! 
Anyways, the move was fun, I got to see Jeremy Renner topless, I got to see lots of blood & gore, & I got my imagination to open up a lot. That's one of the things for me why I love this movie right now, not just the idea of the old fairy tales or fables getting a new spin, that's fun, but also seeing the witches differently, much more brutal & disgusting! I know that the inspiration for some of the witchcraft stuff came from an old European  book on how to identify a witch from like the Inquisition. I hope they make another one, cause there's a lot they could do. Also can't wait for the DVD cause I'm sure there's a lot that didn't make it into the final edit. Also bloopers, I love bloopers!

Mental Illness Awareness

Today is supposed to be a day of mental illness awareness in Canada. Since I am very very familiar with mental illness I thought I would talk about it.

I have been clinically depressed since, as far as I can tell, I was about eight or nine. When recently asked how long I've been depressed it felt more like forever, but that might have more to do with family situation than actual chemical imbalance in the brain. I currently take two different kinds of anti-depressants, which has allowed me to be stable enough to work, go to school and deal with most normal stresses. That doesn't mean that I don't have incidents at certain times, but it keeps most of them in check. I am not the only one in my family that has been on anti-depressants at one time or another. I'm one of the most comfortable ones to talk openly about it. One of the reason's that I talk openly about the fact that I'm depressed with most people in my life is because I want people to understand me & what can happen at times. Also I need support & being around people who are unaware of my problems & then having them make fun of mental illnesses in general around me is never comfortable.

I won't get too much into the full bout of my depression, there isn't enough room here for that. I will say that most of my depression is not from horrible things happening to me in general, trust me I know that there are A LOT of people worst off than me, but that's one of those things that people don't understand depression. Even though my life has been pretty decent & I know it could have turned out a lot different, that doesn't mean I look around my life and don't feel absolutely hallow, pointless, sad, or that I don't occasionally look around my apartment thinking that the pills in my medicine cabinet would be an easy out. Those thoughts swirl around my head a lot, even with the drugs, & I wish the drugs were the complete solution, but they're not, they only take care of the brain chemistry part, there's still behaviour and emotions to deal with. On top of that there's all the people who you wish you could talk to about what kind of problems you have, but the line that I hate to the point of actually wishing violence on anyone who uses it is  'Just get over it' Anyone with any dealing with depression knows that there is no getting over it.

More things need to be done about mental illness, talking about it will help. Also on a personal note, if anyone out there has the power to get rid of one of the worst commercials about depression I have ever seen, the one with the line's 'Where does depression hurt? Everywhere. Who does depression hurt? Everyone.' Trust me everyone with depression already knows this! I hate this commercial to no end, I'm not even sure if it's supposed to be an awareness ad or if it's trying to sell medication. Also a lot more studies into mental illness need to happen, & not just studies into newer & newer medication. Medication helps bring people back to a state or normalcy, however then you're stuck in a lifetime of taking the damn medication, & if you don't have any medical to pay for the medication your ability to take the pills depend on your pay check  which is never good. Also for women especially whenever we get pregnant we have to go off our anti-depressants. This scars me to no end. I want children & whenever I get pregnant I have to go off my medication, & going off anti-depressants should be gradual & usually takes years to get off & a lot of therapy, if you find yourself suddenly pregnant you have to pretty much go cold turkey from your anti-depressants & on top of that you get to deal with a whole new set of hormones doing a number on your brain. To me it's not a surprise that there are more cases of post-par tame depression that leads to women killing their own children.

This is just a tiny bit of my opinion on depression. I hope it helps people understand more of what it's like or helps people to talk more about it.

2nd Semester Blues

I am in my early 30's and I have been working for over ten years, mostly in retail, & pretty much the rest in call centres. I went to college in 2003 and took Hospitality and Tourism, however I was unable to get a job in that field & I still needed money so I returned to retail. Since then I have been unemployed twice, & the last time I was unemployed I applied for and received government funding to go back to school, which is what I have been doing since September. I'm in a post graduate class, except I only have a college diploma, which doesn't seem to matter for this course, but it doesn't exactly help with the job prospects since most of them require the University degree. Anyway in September I was very excited to go back to school, I had a great time in Hospitality and Tourism, however this time I'm not having such a great time. The course I'm in is one year with an intern-ship. To qualify for the intern-ship I have to maintain a 2.0 grade average, which isn't really that hard for me since I'm good at getting school work done. However this semester I've already had a few days off from sickness & once from pulling a muscle in my shoulder blade by trying to put my hair up in the morning. I'm also very uninterested in a lot of my classes this semester. There are a couple that I find interesting, so I'll probably do well in them, but the rest I could really care less about. Plus I'm having problems with the coordinator of our program & I'm still unsure what exactly to do about that. & I'll be starting to work tomorrow, which means less time on projects. But the projects so far this semester don't seem that hard, which means I'm not working on them as hard as I should be. All in all I'm very bored & avoiding doing a project right at this moment.